Teens and Divorce

It is estimated that 40-50% of marriages in America will end in Divorce or Separation. Parents often get wrapped up in the break up and dealing with messy situations that it impacts their ability to do a good job of parenting their children. Research shows that parental conflict during divorce impacts the development and self esteem of a child. Children are often put in the middle, having to choose between who's side to take which can be detrimental to their well-being and is very distressing to them. Children feel sadness, fear and guilt by being in the middle of parents who are arguing. Teens often blame themselves for the parents' conflicts and worry about issues that parents may not even think to talk to their children about such as family's finances, living in a new home, parents having new romantic partners.

Divorce/Separation is hard on everyone involved in the family but there are ways to help your teens. By being open with your teens about what is going on in the family without talking negatively about the other parent and answering your teen's questions openly and honestly, it will help your child feel less anxious and confused about the changes taking places. This can be a challenging time and it is important when to know to ask for professional help:

When to ask for help:

• When co-parents cannot agree on parenting decisions
• When the child is reluctant to visit a parent
• When step-family issues are having a negative impact on parenting
• When there is ongoing high conflict between parents regarding the children
• When parents need help with parenting 

Remember that listening to your children and putting them above any conflict that you are having with your child's parent is the most important lesson to learn to help your family through this difficult time.  

Helpful Resources:

• Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce
• Joint Custody with a Jerk: Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex
• Dealing with Divorce
• Parental Divorce and Adolescence

Discussing College Plans with Your Teen

Getting into college is getting more difficult every year. Teens can have difficulty thinking about long term plans so it is important that you help them do this. Supporting your teen through this process will ease the burden on your child and assist them in making decisions about their goals for the future.

I know applications and the emotions that come along with college planning can be overwhelming for both parents and teens and this is completely normal. On the bright side, there are skills that you can teach to your child during this time. Teaching your child how to take an overwhelming task such as applying to colleges into smaller, more manageable and attainable steps will be invaluable to their success in college. Help them put tasks on the calendar and set deadlines for when they will complete certain steps. This will help the process go more smoothly for both of you.

However, if you are still struggling with where to start and how to do this, don't be afraid to ask for help. College counselors can be extremely helpful in walking you through this difficult process:)

Favorite Books

Here are a few of my favorite books that might be helpful to parents of teens:

1. Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager
2. Stumbling on Happiness
3. Raising Your Spirited Child
4. How to Talk So Teens Will Listen
5. Windows to Our Children

Has anyone else read ay of these books? What are some books that have helped you in your life?